I have decided after extensive research during the past few minutes that separating competitors into Age Groups is very limiting and extremely unfair. For those of you who race, you are familiar with Age Groups. For those of you who may be new to racing, Age Groups are the groupings race officials put the competitors in so you may compare your race standings with others in your age group.
Example:
Joey - male, age 26 - runs with Steve - male, age 38. At the end of the race Steve finished 12th in his age group of competitors 30 - 39 years of age. Joey finished 43rd in his age group, 20 - 29. Steve points his finger and laughs at Joey for finishing so poorly in his age group, stating that he, Steve, was only beat by 11 competitors while Joey was beat by wayyyy more, like 42. Joey does the math and concludes that Steve is a prick. Joey enlightens Steve with the fact that there were 400 competitors in his age group while there were only 15 in Steve's. Steve, resistant to facts and ratios, points his finger at Joey, loudly states that 11th place is better than 42nd place, and goes to the beer tent to brag about being more awesome than Joey. Joey decides to hate Steve.
OK, this example has nothing to do with Age categories as much as it does that Steve's an ass, but my point is this: Age Categories are prejudice. Their basis is arbitrary and is biased against most competitors. Let me explain with another example.
Example:
Joey runs with Tom. Joey and Tom run with 500 other competitors. Joey finishes 15th and Tom finishes 17th. Joey's category is 20 - 29 M.NK.NW.LFT: Male, No Kids, No Wife, time to exercise and train and sleep, aka Lots of Free Time. Tom's category is 20 - 29 M.K.W.NFT: Male, has 2.5 Kids, a Wife, a job that requires too much time and has no freedom to do much of anything unless he stops sleeping, aka No Free Time. Joey congratulates Tom for finishing so close to him. Tom laughs and points out that Joey should have done a lot better than Tom since Joey has freedom and Tom is currently serving a blissful life sentence. Tom reminds Joey that they need to account for all variables by using the following equation to even the playing field before final standings would be revealed:
After applying the equation to each competitor Tom is clearly the victor over Joey by 9 places. The real standing would be Joey in 15th place, Tom in 6th place. Tom, with facts on his side, points his finger and laughs at Joey for finishing so poorly in his age group and joins Steve in the beer tent to further mock Joey's inadequacies. Joey now hates them both.
See? These new grouping would be more fair to everyone and by everyone I mean me. I currently hold the most wins in the group 30 - 39 M.K.W.NFT.WSCBHLM (Wears Superhero Costumes Because Hey Look at Me!).
Example:
Joey - male, age 26 - runs with Steve - male, age 38. At the end of the race Steve finished 12th in his age group of competitors 30 - 39 years of age. Joey finished 43rd in his age group, 20 - 29. Steve points his finger and laughs at Joey for finishing so poorly in his age group, stating that he, Steve, was only beat by 11 competitors while Joey was beat by wayyyy more, like 42. Joey does the math and concludes that Steve is a prick. Joey enlightens Steve with the fact that there were 400 competitors in his age group while there were only 15 in Steve's. Steve, resistant to facts and ratios, points his finger at Joey, loudly states that 11th place is better than 42nd place, and goes to the beer tent to brag about being more awesome than Joey. Joey decides to hate Steve.
OK, this example has nothing to do with Age categories as much as it does that Steve's an ass, but my point is this: Age Categories are prejudice. Their basis is arbitrary and is biased against most competitors. Let me explain with another example.
Example:
Joey runs with Tom. Joey and Tom run with 500 other competitors. Joey finishes 15th and Tom finishes 17th. Joey's category is 20 - 29 M.NK.NW.LFT: Male, No Kids, No Wife, time to exercise and train and sleep, aka Lots of Free Time. Tom's category is 20 - 29 M.K.W.NFT: Male, has 2.5 Kids, a Wife, a job that requires too much time and has no freedom to do much of anything unless he stops sleeping, aka No Free Time. Joey congratulates Tom for finishing so close to him. Tom laughs and points out that Joey should have done a lot better than Tom since Joey has freedom and Tom is currently serving a blissful life sentence. Tom reminds Joey that they need to account for all variables by using the following equation to even the playing field before final standings would be revealed:
ExT - [(FrT / Kds + O) + (CJGH)] = AANTE
** Ext (Exercise Time), FrT (Free Time), Kds (Total Number of Kids), O (Owner, aka, Wife), CJGH (Chores Just Given to Him, aka, The Unknown Variable), AANTE (Actual Amount of No Time to Exercise)
See? These new grouping would be more fair to everyone and by everyone I mean me. I currently hold the most wins in the group 30 - 39 M.K.W.NFT.WSCBHLM (Wears Superhero Costumes Because Hey Look at Me!).
Rationalizing ineptitude since 2001,
Illustrious
Illustrious
** The above equation is not for everyone. Please apply your variables to the one that works best for you (or create one yourself and post it on the blog!):
ExT - (BC + BJ / HWMM)(NSNSNS) = AANTE
** Ext (Exercise Time), BC (Bag of Chips), BJ (Ben and Jerry's), HWMM (Hours Watching Mad Men), NSNSNS (New Show New Series Never Seen), AANTE (Actual Amount of No Time to Exercise)
ExT / LNP + EMP + MDP = AANTE
** Ext (Exercise Time), LNP (Late Night Porn), EMP (Early Morning Porn), MDP (Mid-Day Porn), AANTE (Actual Amount of No Time to Exercise)
Ext - [(HE)(LNE) / (BS)(BFFHBB)] - WOI = AANTE
** Ext (Exercise Time), HE (Hate Exercising), LNE (Love Not Exercising), BS (Bikini Season), BFFHBB (Best Friend Forever Has Better Body), WOI (Wear One-piece Instead), AANTE (Actual Amount of No Time to Exercise)
