What can I say? It was February up at the beach. It was cold. Real cold. Frozen snot kind of cold. What kind of a-hole runs a half in this weather? Apparently me and about 1500 other a-holes. Instead of giving you a long-winded synopsis of the race, I will give you a long-winded play-by-play of the miles (for those of you unlearned folk, that'll be 13).
MILE 1: F*** it's cold! What the hell am I doing out here?
MILE 2: Feeling pretty good. It's not so bad out here. Feeling strong, confident. Just passed the 8:30 pacer. Suck it 8:30!
MILE 3: In my groove. Not too hot, definitely not cold. Chatting with other runners. Passing people and feelin' good. Friendly water stop. How do people drink and run at the same time? I don't think any of that went in my mouth. Passed the 8:00 and 7:30 pacer. YEAH! Suck it pacers!
MILE 4: Holding around a 7:20 pace! Not too bad for my first half, if I do say so myself. I have the strength. I have the endurance. I... have to pee. Ooooh, Port-Potty! Nice placement, Event Organizers!
MILE 5: Dammit! The 7:30 and 8:00 pacers are ahead of me. How long was I in that Porto-Potty? Crap, now I'm cold again. Did I wet myself? Dammit!
MILE 6: Dammit again! How do they drink while running? I think I moistened my lips with that one. I definitely wet myself again but at least it's water this time. On a better note: Suck it 8:00 Pacer!
MILE 7: Ok, back in the groove. Time to play a little "Catch the Bunny." (For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, "Catch the Bunny" is simple: Anyone ahead of you is a bunny whom you must "catch" or pass. Once you catch the bunny you find a new bunny to catch, and so on, etc. The rules to this game are probably different in Hefner's house.)
MILE 8: Another water stop? Ok, not complaining. Ooooh, gels! I can do this while running. Choke... choke... gasp... gurgle. Dammit! How the hell can you swallow a frozen ball of gel pudding? Better wash it down with... Dammit!!
MILE 9: I am a complete mess. I have frozen snot on my face mingled with chocolatey streaks of Hammer Gel spittle. I am smiling. I am having fun. Weather has become a perfect day for running: cold with a gentle wind and sunny! Day is looking up! Oh, and, Suck it 7:30 Pacer!
MILE 10: If you were watching a movie this would be the time when music signaling disaster would be played. Maybe even slow motion filming. Something dramatic. ARGGHHHH! Knee pain!! Can't... run... must hobble... why God? Why??? (Picture me falling to my knees, arms held aloft, pointing to the heavens beseeching the gods to end my torment. Very moving moment. Definitely a tearjerker. Possibly Oscar-worthy. Maybe just very, very whiny.)
MILE 11: Well, my IT band (iliotibitial band) has just made my race go from fantastic to less than fantastic... maybe just -tic. I think the 7:30 Pacer just told me to suck it. Asshole.
MILE 12: Did I mention my IT band? It hurts. My knee hurts. It's preventing me from running at full strenth and stride. I have been reduced from an almost awe inspiring performance (awed that I am still running at this point... why did I take up this insane activity?) to a shadow of my heroic pace. It's like being reduced from a mighty ode to a baudy limerick; but without the naughty bits. Hey, look, there goes the 8:00 Pacer. Is she giggling? Douche.
MILE 13: At last! The finish line. I was thankfully able to take the skirt off and muster up the resolve to run. I did manage to catch the 8:00 Bunny (suck it) and pseudo-sprint to the finish line. They even announced my name as I crossed which may not be much, they were announcing many people as they came to the end, it was still very cool to a newbie-runner. Finishing time: 1:44:25.1 Pace: 7:59. My best half to date!
Summary: Great event. Well organized throughout the route. Fun people. Water stops were well placed and there was plenty of food and drinks at the end. The course is very flat and makes for a good starter half. Yes it was cold but what do you want for a New England February at the beach. I will be doing this race again in 2012. Watch yourselves Pacers. I'm coming after you... except that 6:30 Pacer... that's just psychotic.
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