Stroller Pusher: We have all met this man or woman at some time in our racing travels. There we are trying our best, giving the course our all, when from behind we hear the tell-tale signs of impending rolling embarrassment. You don't look. You don't turn around. You don't want to know. Then you see it out of the corner of your eye. A wheel. That wheel is attached to a stroller. That stroller has twins in it. Not preemie twins. Big twins. Probably 15lbs each. They're laughing. You could think they were laughing at the colors along the race route. You could think they were laughing as the wind tickles their faces. You could, but you know they're laughing at you. They're laughing because their mommy or daddy is passing you... up a hill... pushing a 20 lb stroller filled with 30 lbs of baby. Being mocked by adults is one thing, but being mocked by babies? I will totally steal their candy if I can catch them.
Hill Tourettes Woman: You may have not met this one but if you think back at the people you have met along the way someone might fit the bill. I was doing a very hilly century with a cycling club in Massachusetts a few years back. Fantastic but challenging route. Great cyclists. I happen to come upon a female clydesdale (for non-cyclists a "clydesdale" is a cyclist who weighs over 200lbs). She was as happy as could be riding along, strongly I might add, with the other cyclists. We struck up conversation during one of the flat stretches. She joyfully told me how she was getting in better shape. She smiled as she said how she had done a few centuries. Nothing negative came from this beacon of bubbling effervescence, until the hills. She went from joy and happiness to filth-flarn-flarn and filth. It sounded something akin to this: "Well I just love riding on days like this. It always makes me..." we hit the hill "...EFFING F**K S**T F***KING HILL D*MN STUPID F**KING *SSF**K S**T HILL!!!" She would say this and other things until she crested the top where she would immediately go back into telling me how wonderfully beautiful and pleasant the day is. Scary and funny at the same time.
Superhero Guy: I have to admit I did not meet this one at a race, but everyone knows someone like this. He's tall. He's got 5% body fat. He has about 22 abs and more muscle then anyone has the right to have. It's not steroid muscle. It's powered but the yellow sun muscle. He's the kind of guy that is so fit that even the men have stopped what they're doing to look at him. You can forget about the women. They have all lost their collective senses and are ogling with sinful intent. If this guy decided to don a spandex outfit complete with mask and cape no one would be surprised. Some of the women would probably encourage him because they needed to be saved from their cotton blouses.
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