2012 Derry 16 Miler (aka - Why Am I Here?)

Instead of inundating you with my mile by mile minutia, I will for once be more direct and thorough with my race day analysis.  Consider this my first new year's resolution (which will be broken by the time I complete this sentence): Be concise and to the point. So get ready for some pointy concisiveness as I break this race down into distances with which we may be more comfortable.

The Starting Line (aka - the Fastest Pace I Will Hold All Day)

My friends and I were in the middle of the crowd waiting for the race to begin, watching as the last few hard-cores made their way through the throng to be at the front of the pack with the other Type A-listers.  Even their walking pace was faster than my best PR.  I hated them for their prowess and when I say hate, I mean jealous.  We continued chatting, after they passed, with other like-minded casual athletes about running things like shoe options, why any sane person would consider running as a hobby when there was probably a martini waiting to be consumed somewhere, and why someone (me) was wearing a Captain America outfit.  Our chatter was interrupted by the playing of the National Anthem.  We proudly stood at attention, hands over our hearts, as we listened to the patriotic words "Oh, Canada!" soaring through... wait.. what?  Oh Canada?  How far is this race taking us?  Did we just get invaded?  Do I need to bow to my new imperialist masters, eh?  Ohh, they play their anthem and than ours.  Ohhh-k.  Confusion over.  Thank God.  I cannot support a country whose national currency is pucks.

The First 5K (aka - 3.1 miles for you non-metric people)

Underoos never looked this good!

I do not believe in warming up for a long race so the first 3 miles of the race become my warm up. “That's crazy,” the Type A's would say, as they run their pre-race 5K; but I politely disagree. Running 16 miles is crazy. Adding an additional 5K to 16 miles, or what I like to call “way more than 16 miles,” puts the crazy in the bat guano category. This, coincidentally, is where I put most Type-A'ers.

I don't have much of an opinion of the first 3 miles because I remember very little of it.  I was busy chatting with runners, wondering if my ITB issues would rear its ugly head, watching out for ice patches, and wishing the porto-potty fairies would make one magically appear before I made pee icicles. The parts I do remember can be summarized thusly: my ITB issue did start to threaten around mile 3, which will make me nervous for the remainder of the race; I needed to remind several women who were staring at my Captain America shield underwear that my "eyes were up here;" it's hard to concentrate on a pace when all you can think about is how badly you have to pee.  How bad you ask?  Floating comes to mind.

This is not Chris Evans, but I
understand your confusion.

The Next 5K (aka - the First 10K because 5K + 5K = 10K, or 6.2 miles)

I peed, which made the next 5K so much more bearable.  My ITB was still threatening to disable me but through encouragement, accolades, empty promises, and openly hostile threats, I was able to hold it at bay.  People stopped staring at my Captain America underwear and were, instead, just staring at me and laughing.   I can only assume that my awesomeness was causing their fits of laughter.  Awesomeness does that to people.  Well, at least the kids along the route appreciated me!  "Look, Dad!  It's Captain America!"  "Yes, son, now back away slowly."

This part of the run found me more comfortable than before.  It was warmer.  The sun was shining.  People were still friendly, apparently unaware that they were out for a 16 mile run.  I had no idea where my friends were and could only assume that they stopped after mile 1 to go drink that martini.




The First Half Marathon (aka - 13.1 miles or The Only Part of a Marathon that's Fun)

Power walking with superhero-like speed

There are a few worthy items of note getting to the half marathon mark.  First item:  this has been the second time I have run 13.1 miles.  The first time was a year ago.  I haven't even run 13 miles in a training run. Chock it up to aggressive laziness!  If you're paying attention this means that every step I take over 13.1 miles is one step further than I have ever, ever run.  If you're paying closer attention you will realize that I am running a race to which I have no business running.  Chock that up to aggressive ignorance!  Second item: the race organizers placed a water / gel stop at mile 9, which was great.  Running by I grabbed a cup, took a big swig, and WHY OH GOD IS IT WARM?  WHAT AM I DRINKING?  IT'S YELLOW!  EWWWWW!!  This water stop, unlike the previous stops, was heating their gatorade.  Great idea!  It was good to have something warm at this point in the run, but a little warning might have helped me not think I just drank someone else's exiting gatorade.   Third item: This portion of the race had what the organizers affectionately call "The Hill."  This course has been very hilly already without throwing something like "The Hill," which is 3 miles long, into it.  It sucked in every way:  it sucked your energy, it sucked your pace, it sucked your sense of humor, which I found out with failed attempts at humor to runners along the climb.  No one appreciates "How About This Hill?" comments while dying on "The Hill."  I thought it was hill-arious.  Fourth item: I only have a 5K to go to complete this race because half marathon + 5K = 16 miles!  (I offer entertainment and math lessons)

The Final 5K (aka - the Slowest 5K I Have Ever Run)

Focusing on the remaining 5K proved to be arduous.  It is hard to concentrate through all the internal swearing in my head.  At mile 14 my mantra was "Two more miles."  At mile 14.5 it became "**** you."  At mile 15 I swore that I hated running, that all runners are sadistic morons hellbent on self destruction, and I would never run again.  Closing in on the finish line, I was able to reach down deep and find the last vestiges of swear-fueled aggression, and finish with a sprint.  Never has completing a race been so gratifying.

Awarded "Most Likely to Embarrass His Family" 

Summary (aka I don't like running 16 miles, but will do it again if it's this event)

The Derry 16 miler, hosted by the Greater Derry Track Club, was a well organized event.  I have no complaints about any of it from start to finish, except, of course, the 16 miles between the start and finish; but that's not the organizers fault.  Plenty of water stops.  Plenty of direction on the course.  A great group of runners from all levels and experiences, so you are never running alone.  To top it all off, it had one of the best post-race meals: pizza, fruit and yogurts, sandwich wraps, hot soups and chili, hot coffee and hot chocolate... and all you could eat... and staffed by extraordinarily friendly people.  Also, they had Nuvision Action Image taking pics all along the route.  Great pics, every time.

I can't give the Derry 16 Miler a complete rating yet, as it's my first race of the season, but it will definitely score high marks.  What I can say is this: It is by far the best 16 miles I have ever run.

Place - Rank - 5 Mile - Pace - Rank - 10 Mile - Pace - Rank - Half Ma - Pace - Final -   Pace
330      288     42:52     8:35    295      1:24:42   8:29    302      1:53:22    8:40    2:19:01  8:42