Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Rants and Raves: Jinglebell Half Marathon - Atkinson, NH 2013



Where it was:  Atkinson Country Club, Atkinson, NH

What it is:  LOCO Races first annual half marathon in Atkinson, NH,  and a great way to end the year... if you like running and you like doing it for 13 miles.

Who was racing:  Nice Pipes, the Countess, and Hugh Jameson were in attendance for this race.  Introductions are in order for Aggressive newcomer EPO and his cherry-popping first half marathon (more about EPO in a later article).  The race had about 1000 runners of all shapes, sizes, skill levels, speeds, and costumes.  Oh, yes.  Costumes!  I felt so at home although they were wearing Christmas-themed attire, elves, reindeer, Santa, etc, while I was in cape and tights; but if I consider myself a present, then it fits.  Unwrap me and Merry Christmas to the present that keeps on giving.

Hugh Jameson, EPO, Illustrious
Countess Ovum, Nice Pipes
Looking good, Team!
Why we do it:  Honestly, I'm still trying to figure this one out.  So far I've come up with "Runners are stupid."  Seriously.  If you're a runner, don't whine, I'm one, too; but there is no good reason to run 13 miles in this weather.  None.  It's cold out.  A saw a witch's tit.  That's how cold it was.  Why did we do it?  We signed up for it when it was 80 out.  There's New England optimism for ya!

Rants:
  1. It's cold in December.  Admittedly, it was colder on race day than it has been for a long time (9 degrees at the start, a balmy 12 degrees when we finished), but as a general rule December = winter and in New England winter = cold.  When it's cold people have to pee more often, at least I have to pee more often.  This could possibly point to a urinary problem, some might say incontinence, but whatever it may be, we need places to pee.  The race organizer's recommendation was to find a private place if you needed to heed nature's call, but that's not always easy to find when you're running through neighborhoods.  Relieving yourself behind little Tommy's swing set is apparently 1) illegal, 2) in poor taste, and 3) hilarious because I know little Tommy and he's a brat.  Here's a better idea.  There are these things called "potties" that people put into containers to make them "portable."  These portable potties can be put anywhere, literally anywhere that they will fit, say, along a race course, for example.  These "porta-potties" would then be used by "people" who have to "pee like a race horse."  
  2. Not that I like being reminded how slow I am on the course, but I do like pace clocks.  Unless you're a seasoned runner, you might not have any idea what your pace feels like.  I know people who can feel a 6 minute pace, a 5 minute pace - they know it without checking.  They can feel it in their feet, their legs, their inner Jedi, but they can't tell me what that feeling is.  I assume it feels like warm butter. All I usually feel is lethargy; but pace clocks spare me having to feel anything.  I get told how to feel by the happy little digits clicking away along the route.  We don't need them every mile but maybe every 4th mile, just to give us a heads up how we're doing: Mile 4: "Looking good"  Mile 8: "You've looked better"  Mile 12: "Dude, do you even run?"
  3. The photography company they hired to capture the event took great pictures and were very friendly along the course.  This is not a rant on the professionals who were doing what they were hired to do.  With that said, $15 for an unedited hi-res downloadable image?  $15?!!  $5 maybe, but not $15.  I've never been robbed on a highway before but this might be what it's like, if I bought one of these.  I get that the company has to make a profit.  I get that the prices are set and if I don't like those prices, don't shop there (which I didn't).  Admittedly, they do have a nice deal, all your pics for $53, which if you have a bunch is a good money saver; but, still, make'em $5 for untouched downloadables and racers would snatch them up.  Back in the day with film and dark rooms, etc, etc, I could understand why it would cost a certain amount, but point-click-download doesn't take the same amount of work. Or do what other events do, tie in a price to the race fee and let racers have x number of pics included with the race.  $15!  I can get two cows and a chicken for $15 in New Hampshire.
Raves:
  1. Thank you volunteers!  You guys made everything from getting our race bibs before the race to getting our medals finishing the race incredibly easy.  Event organizers can put together the course, get the supplies, book the venue, but it's always the volunteers that make a race memorable.  You guys were polite and helpful at check-in, incredibly supportive and upbeat at all the water stops, and never stopped cheering on the runners until the last one came across that finish line.
  2. Running 13 miles may or may not be your cup o' tea but if you have to run, do it over country roads.  We went by scenic pastures and beautiful neighborhoods.  Most of the roads were empty of traffic except for the runners.  To be honest, I wasn't thrilled about all the hills.  They weren't steep but they were long and constant and everywhere and I was tired and my tampon needed changing and I'm whiny because I hate hills; but the hills were nice due to those pastures and stuff.
  3. I say it every review but I think it has to be said, especially since the weather was as cold as it was: spectators!  We ran.  We got warm(-ish).  You spectators put up with single digit temps just to root for your racer!  You guys were out there along the course for no other reason but to support your loved ones and everyone else that passed along the way.  With all the hooting and the hollering, the "go <insert racer name here>", and the kryptonite jokes due to my lack of super speed, no racer felt alone on race day.  Maybe you kept warm from the warmth in your hearts.  Can I get a collective "awwwwwwww shucks"?
Overall:  As far as half marathons go this is a good one if you live in southern NH.  Races close to home are key to not losing a day for a race and getting home to find your spouse angry over the statement, "I'll be home right after the race" and you get home at midnight stinking of cheap vodka and cheaper women (that would be a great race - sign up for the Cheap Vodka and Cheaper Women 10K).  Price was right and having it at the Atkinson Country Club was a bonus because they have a bar that welcomes stinky, sweaty post-race runners.  Post-race bar time = good!  The course was well-marked and well-staffed so there was no way of getting lost.  Will we do it again?  Probably, because it's cheap, it's convenient, and the course beat me into submission and I want a re-match.  I'll be back!!

Get down!  Get to the Choppa!! 
- Illustrious