My town offered a 4-week beginners triathlon swimming course... rather, it is offering, as the first class was Wednesday evening. It's a nice, small group of beginners, some who have done a few sprint triathlons, most who have their first planned in the months to come. I fall into the latter. Mine is in September.
It is being taught by a seasoned veteran to swimming. She is a local swim instructor who holds the record in some 1 and 2 mile cables. She shares this with us as part of her introduction to who she is. I respond with the obligatory "wow," silently wondering if I'm the only one who has no idea what a cable is. It sounds very impressive.
After the intro we don our goggles and caps and make out way into the pond. It is comfortably warm, which is lucky as I do not have a wet suit yet. Not sure if I should thank the string of 90 degree days we have enjoyed for warming the water, or the plethora of children recently swimming in it. Either way, comfy. Our instructor shows us a few techniques to swimming properly, explaining their significance to triathlons, before having us practice them.
A few things strike me as I train with these strangers, these people who are walking out of their comfort zones, who have made the unconscious decision to age aggressively:
1. None of these people have a triathletes body. These people are your run-o-the-mill, average, everyday folks. I like them immediately. I know it's the beginning of their journey to aggressive awesomeness.
2. None of these people come off as pompous or filled with an over-inflated sense of self. One has a comic confidence; another, an infectious joy. Most are timid but ready to fling themselves into the mix with apprehensive abandon.
3. All of these people can swim better than me. They all seem to flow with the grace of a seal cutting through the water. At least this is how I imagine it. It's hard to see people while choking on pee-infused lake water. It's damn nigh impossible to see them through my epileptic splashing, which I have always referred to as swimming. Damn.
We ended our training session with a final group huddle. Our instructor gave us our homework which is due next week. "Practice what you learned today," she said encouragingly. I might need more than that.
The old adage is "practice makes perfect." By September I am hoping for "practice prevents drowning."
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Bag of Excuses
What keeps you from getting out there?
Not enough time in the day... Schedules too tight... Too much work to do at the office... It's too hot to go out... It's too cold to go out... Have errands to run... Have chores to do... It looks like rain... I don't have anything to wear... I forgot my sneakers... I'm still sore from the other day... I just ate... I need to eat... I don't want to miss my show... I would love to but.......
Any of these sound familiar? Liar.
My excuse? "I don't want to." It's the only honest excuse. I don't want to because I'm tired/hungry/mildly chafing. I don't want to because it's hot/cold/somewhat misting out. I don't want to because I'd rather be having coffee/watching Glee/picking belly button lint. I don't want to because I am... you fill in the rest.
Let's be honest, our own Bag of Excuses is what's holding us back from being more than who we are. It's heavy and bulky and a bitch to carry. It drags us down and stops us from getting to the finish line; but, more regrettably, it prevents us from ever showing up at the start. We should want to get out there and prove to the world, to our kids, and to ourselves that we haven't stopped doing. We haven't accepted the numbing futility of day to day miasma. We will not let the constant harassment of daily mundane responsibilities stop us from being alive!
Out goal is not to find excuses to why we didn't; it's having reasons to why we did.
Try something with me: Ask yourself why you didn't... run that 5k / 10k... do that Tri... cycle for that charity event... climb that wall... go for that marathon... wade through the mud... run through the fire... do something new... do something, anything out of your comfort zone?
What's your excuse? The following are not acceptable: any excuse you use.
We are not what people tell us we are, unless they tell us we are fantastic and capable of the impossible. We are superheroes and secret agents and rock stars. We are not meant to live life demurely. We are Aggressive!
Next time when you are asked "Will you?" what will your answer be? Will you reach into that big Bag of Excuses and pull out some old standards? Or will throw the Excuses away and start saying "Yes" to new challenges in your life?
How much lighter will your life be when you put that big Bag down?
Not enough time in the day... Schedules too tight... Too much work to do at the office... It's too hot to go out... It's too cold to go out... Have errands to run... Have chores to do... It looks like rain... I don't have anything to wear... I forgot my sneakers... I'm still sore from the other day... I just ate... I need to eat... I don't want to miss my show... I would love to but.......
Any of these sound familiar? Liar.
My excuse? "I don't want to." It's the only honest excuse. I don't want to because I'm tired/hungry/mildly chafing. I don't want to because it's hot/cold/somewhat misting out. I don't want to because I'd rather be having coffee/watching Glee/picking belly button lint. I don't want to because I am... you fill in the rest.
Let's be honest, our own Bag of Excuses is what's holding us back from being more than who we are. It's heavy and bulky and a bitch to carry. It drags us down and stops us from getting to the finish line; but, more regrettably, it prevents us from ever showing up at the start. We should want to get out there and prove to the world, to our kids, and to ourselves that we haven't stopped doing. We haven't accepted the numbing futility of day to day miasma. We will not let the constant harassment of daily mundane responsibilities stop us from being alive!
Out goal is not to find excuses to why we didn't; it's having reasons to why we did.
Try something with me: Ask yourself why you didn't... run that 5k / 10k... do that Tri... cycle for that charity event... climb that wall... go for that marathon... wade through the mud... run through the fire... do something new... do something, anything out of your comfort zone?
What's your excuse? The following are not acceptable: any excuse you use.
We are not what people tell us we are, unless they tell us we are fantastic and capable of the impossible. We are superheroes and secret agents and rock stars. We are not meant to live life demurely. We are Aggressive!
Next time when you are asked "Will you?" what will your answer be? Will you reach into that big Bag of Excuses and pull out some old standards? Or will throw the Excuses away and start saying "Yes" to new challenges in your life?
How much lighter will your life be when you put that big Bag down?
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Ruckus Boston 2011: A Tale of Two Races
June 4th had arrived and with it came Ruckus Sports 4 mile obstacle course race at the Marshfield Fairgrounds in Marshfield, MA. I was ready for a challenging and fun time and it didn't disappoint; but we will get to the race in a moment.
For this race, unlike some of the past obstacles races, I, with the help of other like-minded Aggressors, managed to convince several new people to join in on the fun. For some it took only an invite and they were up for the adventure; while others, however, needed a bit more persuading. A friend of mine signed up because his wife, who does not back down from a challenge, did. No self-respecting man is going to let his wife Man-Up him. Another friend, who hinted on backing out, quickly changed his mind when threatened with unrelenting and disparaging affronts to his manhood; and, yes, there would have been ruthless mock and scorn. Finally, we were able to convince a few women who have never attempted an obstacle race by challenging their ovaries: "Yeah, it's probably not a good idea if you sign up. You wouldn't be able to handle it, because, you know... you're a girl." Nothing like good ole' fashion sexist misogynism to get the estro-rage pumping!
And so, with a full group of friends by my side, I bring you to the race...
Having competed (and I use that word lightly) in a few obstacles races the common gripe I have are the lines before the obstacles. If you are going for time nothing will ruin it more than having to wait for people to complete an obstacle. Before you start in with the whining, I am fully aware that these races are open to everyone regardless of physical athleticism and I fully support them getting out of their lives for awhile and having some fun. It's what Aging Aggressively is all about! However, you also have to understand that if my brother or a few of my friends clock a better time than me I will be the one suffering from unbridled mock and scorn. We don't want that.
With that said, I give Ruckus high marks with how they staged their race. The first 2 miles were mostly trail running. It was well marked and full of terrain changes, i.e. dirt, open fields, mud, single track. There were challenging obstacles, 11 total, but were spaced out. More importantly, though, the course allowed people to get out and run; which had the excellent effect of thinning the group well before the majority of obstacles were met. Thinning the group meant little to no lines at the obstacles! I didn't have to wait which is HUGE. I hate lines.
The end of the trail run opened into the final series of obstacles within the fairgrounds. Once we hit the fairgrounds we were faced with another 13 events which would lead us to dirty, muddy glory. Here was the place that separated the men from the boys, or the women from the girls, or the people who were faster than me from me.
If you have been reading any of my past blogs you would know that I learn a little every time I race. This event was no different.
1) Ruckus was the first time I was ever called someone's Rabbit. A man whose name I have forgotten was using me during the first few miles as a Bunny! And he passed me, dammit! To his credit he did politely ask me to speed things up because the next Bunny was too far ahead to catch and he wanted me to push his pace. I, regrettably, could not. My legs were not feeling very hoppy.
2) Ruckus gently reminded me that I cannot rely on age and gender to determine the likelihood of me finishing before someone else, as a woman with gray-streaked hair not only caught me, but high-fived me in pure, encouraging sportsmanship before quickly pulling away from me to conquer the race in true AARP fashion.
What about the obstacles you say? Aside from a few failures with ripped cargo nets and a useless rope swinging thingy, the final series of challenges were great. I thoroughly enjoyed the Ranger Bar, the Nose Bleed Nets, the Monkey Bars, and all the Walls and Barricades, to name a few. I definitely dug the end of the course. Ruckus staged the end perfectly. They lined several obstacles, dirt hills, and one mud pit together in full view of the spectators who, regardless if they knew you or not, were cheering the racers on loudly and raucously with chants of "Mud! Mud! Mud! Do it!!!" What do you do? You give them what they want, which many racers did with aerobatic jumps and twirls, each ending with a resounding and crowd-appealing sploosh.
SUMMARY
The Ruckus Race was a great time. The registration could have been a little smoother. They should have provided waiver sheets to sign when you got your bib number. Instead, they told you to leave the line you were waiting in and go to that table over there... no not there... there, yes, that one... the one with no sign indicating that the waivers are here, to get your waiver. They also should have had signs at the Gear Drop for drop off and pick up. Some people may have missed their heat start because they were waiting in line with racers who already ran. I don't have much to say about the vendors because I only visited one: Swing Juice (http://www.swingjuice.com/)! Overall: Fun and challenging course with just a hint of reckless abandon. Congratulations to my friends and family who, for many, was their first experience with obstacle racing. Huzzah!
P.S - The reason I called it the Tale of Two Races is because I qualified for the Champion Heat. Top 10% baby!! I never qualify for anything so, to me, it was fantastic. Not for nothing but I did drink an entire bottle of Mango Swing Juice before my race. Coincidence? You decide :)
Heat Results: Overall place = 21 / Age group place = 20 / Time = 35:07
Champion Results: Overall place = 34 / Age group place = 30 / Time = 37:11
I should have had another bottle of Swing Juice before the Champion Heat!
For this race, unlike some of the past obstacles races, I, with the help of other like-minded Aggressors, managed to convince several new people to join in on the fun. For some it took only an invite and they were up for the adventure; while others, however, needed a bit more persuading. A friend of mine signed up because his wife, who does not back down from a challenge, did. No self-respecting man is going to let his wife Man-Up him. Another friend, who hinted on backing out, quickly changed his mind when threatened with unrelenting and disparaging affronts to his manhood; and, yes, there would have been ruthless mock and scorn. Finally, we were able to convince a few women who have never attempted an obstacle race by challenging their ovaries: "Yeah, it's probably not a good idea if you sign up. You wouldn't be able to handle it, because, you know... you're a girl." Nothing like good ole' fashion sexist misogynism to get the estro-rage pumping!
And so, with a full group of friends by my side, I bring you to the race...
Having competed (and I use that word lightly) in a few obstacles races the common gripe I have are the lines before the obstacles. If you are going for time nothing will ruin it more than having to wait for people to complete an obstacle. Before you start in with the whining, I am fully aware that these races are open to everyone regardless of physical athleticism and I fully support them getting out of their lives for awhile and having some fun. It's what Aging Aggressively is all about! However, you also have to understand that if my brother or a few of my friends clock a better time than me I will be the one suffering from unbridled mock and scorn. We don't want that.
With that said, I give Ruckus high marks with how they staged their race. The first 2 miles were mostly trail running. It was well marked and full of terrain changes, i.e. dirt, open fields, mud, single track. There were challenging obstacles, 11 total, but were spaced out. More importantly, though, the course allowed people to get out and run; which had the excellent effect of thinning the group well before the majority of obstacles were met. Thinning the group meant little to no lines at the obstacles! I didn't have to wait which is HUGE. I hate lines.
The end of the trail run opened into the final series of obstacles within the fairgrounds. Once we hit the fairgrounds we were faced with another 13 events which would lead us to dirty, muddy glory. Here was the place that separated the men from the boys, or the women from the girls, or the people who were faster than me from me.
If you have been reading any of my past blogs you would know that I learn a little every time I race. This event was no different.
1) Ruckus was the first time I was ever called someone's Rabbit. A man whose name I have forgotten was using me during the first few miles as a Bunny! And he passed me, dammit! To his credit he did politely ask me to speed things up because the next Bunny was too far ahead to catch and he wanted me to push his pace. I, regrettably, could not. My legs were not feeling very hoppy.
2) Ruckus gently reminded me that I cannot rely on age and gender to determine the likelihood of me finishing before someone else, as a woman with gray-streaked hair not only caught me, but high-fived me in pure, encouraging sportsmanship before quickly pulling away from me to conquer the race in true AARP fashion.
What about the obstacles you say? Aside from a few failures with ripped cargo nets and a useless rope swinging thingy, the final series of challenges were great. I thoroughly enjoyed the Ranger Bar, the Nose Bleed Nets, the Monkey Bars, and all the Walls and Barricades, to name a few. I definitely dug the end of the course. Ruckus staged the end perfectly. They lined several obstacles, dirt hills, and one mud pit together in full view of the spectators who, regardless if they knew you or not, were cheering the racers on loudly and raucously with chants of "Mud! Mud! Mud! Do it!!!" What do you do? You give them what they want, which many racers did with aerobatic jumps and twirls, each ending with a resounding and crowd-appealing sploosh.
SUMMARY
The Ruckus Race was a great time. The registration could have been a little smoother. They should have provided waiver sheets to sign when you got your bib number. Instead, they told you to leave the line you were waiting in and go to that table over there... no not there... there, yes, that one... the one with no sign indicating that the waivers are here, to get your waiver. They also should have had signs at the Gear Drop for drop off and pick up. Some people may have missed their heat start because they were waiting in line with racers who already ran. I don't have much to say about the vendors because I only visited one: Swing Juice (http://www.swingjuice.com/)! Overall: Fun and challenging course with just a hint of reckless abandon. Congratulations to my friends and family who, for many, was their first experience with obstacle racing. Huzzah!
P.S - The reason I called it the Tale of Two Races is because I qualified for the Champion Heat. Top 10% baby!! I never qualify for anything so, to me, it was fantastic. Not for nothing but I did drink an entire bottle of Mango Swing Juice before my race. Coincidence? You decide :)
Heat Results: Overall place = 21 / Age group place = 20 / Time = 35:07
Champion Results: Overall place = 34 / Age group place = 30 / Time = 37:11
I should have had another bottle of Swing Juice before the Champion Heat!
Friday, May 27, 2011
30th Annual Hangover Classic: New Year's Day 10K - 1/2011
Happy New Year! Let's run 6.2 miles on a tequila / vodka hangover. Who does that? Morons. I had not run 6 miles yet, at least not in one day, and there I was running 6.2 on a hangover. Moron. Thankfully for me, January 1st, 2011, was a freak weather moment for New England. It was 55 - 60 degrees and sunny! Off came the winter wear and on came the spring spandex. This may not paint a pretty picture for some so picture this instead... all the running hotties did the same. You just have to appreciate toned tummies and bobbing pig-tails. It's a great way to start the year.
Anyhoo...
The crowd was fun. Having never been a part of the runner's world I had always assumed it was filled with hard-core, half-crazed spandex wearing people who routinely shave the hair from every inch of the bodies, religiously worry about their body fat percentage, and don the latest aerodynamic eye-wear guaranteed to cut your pace by 10 milliseconds... and I was half correct. They were there in all their glory busying themselves with their pre-race rituals: warm-up miles, stretching regiments, pre-race snacks with the perfect carbo to protein ratio. I was with the other half: the no-core, half-awake people who routinely question if they need to shave, unceremoniously poke at their body fat, and don whatever happened to be clean and athletically-looking when they woke up. We had our own pre-race ritual: warm-up sitting, yawning regiments, and wandering aimlessly around looking for the shortest line to a porta-potty.
The weather, clearly, was fantastic. It would be unfair to even use the weather as a promotion of this race. New England in January is not warm and sunny. It is cold and unforgiving. You are not suppose to need a bikini wax before going to a New England beach in January.
The course was OK. Nothing exciting. The beach is flat so the course was, obviously, without hills.
I did learn plenty that day. First of all, there are basic rules which everyone must follow. I am not talking about the race rules: no pushing, no shoving, no cheating, no running close behind that very attracted brunette in the turquoise... etc. I am referring to the unwritten rules that all runners will learn from doing one race. (The following are in no specific order or level of importance. I was also not guilty of breaking all of these rules... not all of them.)
Rule #1: Do not spit or expel snot-rockets if you are running in the middle of the road. Please move over to the side of the road and look over your shoulder before expelling to avoid spraying other runners in mucous joy. If you do not, the runners will hate you.
Rule #2: Do not run too closely behind other runners. First of all and most obvious, you might trip them. This will make them hate you. Secondly and maybe not so obvious to some people (read: guys), it might make some of them (read: women) feel less like a competitor and more like an entrée. This will definitely make them hate you.
Rule #3: Do not under any circumstances underestimate the other runners. In no way does their body type, age, or personal appearance indicate in any way how fast and/or strong they really are! Yes, you can assume those Type-A'ers with their 3% body fat will be fast; but, you may be surprised when the dumpy mother of two catches you by the third mile and crushes your soul beneath her well-trained, no-nonsense, this-body-has-pushed-out-2-kids-without-drugs-what-has-your-body-done pace. She'll do this while hating you.
You know what wasn't good? The organizers. They were clearly still drunk from the previous night. They did not have all the miles marked. They did not get approval to have their race cross over into New Hampshire. They did not have enough water at the end. They had no snacks. They did have beer at one of the water stops... still up in the air if this was good or not.
SUMMARY
I clocked a time of 47:53 (7:43 pace). For my first 10K, I'll take it. All in all the race was not great but it was not bad. Hopefully the organizers will take the multiple hints given by the competitors and get their shit together. They won't have great weather to carrying them next year.
Anyhoo...
The crowd was fun. Having never been a part of the runner's world I had always assumed it was filled with hard-core, half-crazed spandex wearing people who routinely shave the hair from every inch of the bodies, religiously worry about their body fat percentage, and don the latest aerodynamic eye-wear guaranteed to cut your pace by 10 milliseconds... and I was half correct. They were there in all their glory busying themselves with their pre-race rituals: warm-up miles, stretching regiments, pre-race snacks with the perfect carbo to protein ratio. I was with the other half: the no-core, half-awake people who routinely question if they need to shave, unceremoniously poke at their body fat, and don whatever happened to be clean and athletically-looking when they woke up. We had our own pre-race ritual: warm-up sitting, yawning regiments, and wandering aimlessly around looking for the shortest line to a porta-potty.
The weather, clearly, was fantastic. It would be unfair to even use the weather as a promotion of this race. New England in January is not warm and sunny. It is cold and unforgiving. You are not suppose to need a bikini wax before going to a New England beach in January.
The course was OK. Nothing exciting. The beach is flat so the course was, obviously, without hills.
I did learn plenty that day. First of all, there are basic rules which everyone must follow. I am not talking about the race rules: no pushing, no shoving, no cheating, no running close behind that very attracted brunette in the turquoise... etc. I am referring to the unwritten rules that all runners will learn from doing one race. (The following are in no specific order or level of importance. I was also not guilty of breaking all of these rules... not all of them.)
Rule #1: Do not spit or expel snot-rockets if you are running in the middle of the road. Please move over to the side of the road and look over your shoulder before expelling to avoid spraying other runners in mucous joy. If you do not, the runners will hate you.
Rule #2: Do not run too closely behind other runners. First of all and most obvious, you might trip them. This will make them hate you. Secondly and maybe not so obvious to some people (read: guys), it might make some of them (read: women) feel less like a competitor and more like an entrée. This will definitely make them hate you.
Rule #3: Do not under any circumstances underestimate the other runners. In no way does their body type, age, or personal appearance indicate in any way how fast and/or strong they really are! Yes, you can assume those Type-A'ers with their 3% body fat will be fast; but, you may be surprised when the dumpy mother of two catches you by the third mile and crushes your soul beneath her well-trained, no-nonsense, this-body-has-pushed-out-2-kids-without-drugs-what-has-your-body-done pace. She'll do this while hating you.
You know what wasn't good? The organizers. They were clearly still drunk from the previous night. They did not have all the miles marked. They did not get approval to have their race cross over into New Hampshire. They did not have enough water at the end. They had no snacks. They did have beer at one of the water stops... still up in the air if this was good or not.
SUMMARY
I clocked a time of 47:53 (7:43 pace). For my first 10K, I'll take it. All in all the race was not great but it was not bad. Hopefully the organizers will take the multiple hints given by the competitors and get their shit together. They won't have great weather to carrying them next year.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Half at the Hamptons Half Marathon - 2/2011
What can I say? It was February up at the beach. It was cold. Real cold. Frozen snot kind of cold. What kind of a-hole runs a half in this weather? Apparently me and about 1500 other a-holes. Instead of giving you a long-winded synopsis of the race, I will give you a long-winded play-by-play of the miles (for those of you unlearned folk, that'll be 13).
MILE 1: F*** it's cold! What the hell am I doing out here?
MILE 2: Feeling pretty good. It's not so bad out here. Feeling strong, confident. Just passed the 8:30 pacer. Suck it 8:30!
MILE 3: In my groove. Not too hot, definitely not cold. Chatting with other runners. Passing people and feelin' good. Friendly water stop. How do people drink and run at the same time? I don't think any of that went in my mouth. Passed the 8:00 and 7:30 pacer. YEAH! Suck it pacers!
MILE 4: Holding around a 7:20 pace! Not too bad for my first half, if I do say so myself. I have the strength. I have the endurance. I... have to pee. Ooooh, Port-Potty! Nice placement, Event Organizers!
MILE 5: Dammit! The 7:30 and 8:00 pacers are ahead of me. How long was I in that Porto-Potty? Crap, now I'm cold again. Did I wet myself? Dammit!
MILE 6: Dammit again! How do they drink while running? I think I moistened my lips with that one. I definitely wet myself again but at least it's water this time. On a better note: Suck it 8:00 Pacer!
MILE 7: Ok, back in the groove. Time to play a little "Catch the Bunny." (For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, "Catch the Bunny" is simple: Anyone ahead of you is a bunny whom you must "catch" or pass. Once you catch the bunny you find a new bunny to catch, and so on, etc. The rules to this game are probably different in Hefner's house.)
MILE 8: Another water stop? Ok, not complaining. Ooooh, gels! I can do this while running. Choke... choke... gasp... gurgle. Dammit! How the hell can you swallow a frozen ball of gel pudding? Better wash it down with... Dammit!!
MILE 9: I am a complete mess. I have frozen snot on my face mingled with chocolatey streaks of Hammer Gel spittle. I am smiling. I am having fun. Weather has become a perfect day for running: cold with a gentle wind and sunny! Day is looking up! Oh, and, Suck it 7:30 Pacer!
MILE 10: If you were watching a movie this would be the time when music signaling disaster would be played. Maybe even slow motion filming. Something dramatic. ARGGHHHH! Knee pain!! Can't... run... must hobble... why God? Why??? (Picture me falling to my knees, arms held aloft, pointing to the heavens beseeching the gods to end my torment. Very moving moment. Definitely a tearjerker. Possibly Oscar-worthy. Maybe just very, very whiny.)
MILE 11: Well, my IT band (iliotibitial band) has just made my race go from fantastic to less than fantastic... maybe just -tic. I think the 7:30 Pacer just told me to suck it. Asshole.
MILE 12: Did I mention my IT band? It hurts. My knee hurts. It's preventing me from running at full strenth and stride. I have been reduced from an almost awe inspiring performance (awed that I am still running at this point... why did I take up this insane activity?) to a shadow of my heroic pace. It's like being reduced from a mighty ode to a baudy limerick; but without the naughty bits. Hey, look, there goes the 8:00 Pacer. Is she giggling? Douche.
MILE 13: At last! The finish line. I was thankfully able to take the skirt off and muster up the resolve to run. I did manage to catch the 8:00 Bunny (suck it) and pseudo-sprint to the finish line. They even announced my name as I crossed which may not be much, they were announcing many people as they came to the end, it was still very cool to a newbie-runner. Finishing time: 1:44:25.1 Pace: 7:59. My best half to date!
Summary: Great event. Well organized throughout the route. Fun people. Water stops were well placed and there was plenty of food and drinks at the end. The course is very flat and makes for a good starter half. Yes it was cold but what do you want for a New England February at the beach. I will be doing this race again in 2012. Watch yourselves Pacers. I'm coming after you... except that 6:30 Pacer... that's just psychotic.
MILE 1: F*** it's cold! What the hell am I doing out here?
MILE 2: Feeling pretty good. It's not so bad out here. Feeling strong, confident. Just passed the 8:30 pacer. Suck it 8:30!
MILE 3: In my groove. Not too hot, definitely not cold. Chatting with other runners. Passing people and feelin' good. Friendly water stop. How do people drink and run at the same time? I don't think any of that went in my mouth. Passed the 8:00 and 7:30 pacer. YEAH! Suck it pacers!
MILE 4: Holding around a 7:20 pace! Not too bad for my first half, if I do say so myself. I have the strength. I have the endurance. I... have to pee. Ooooh, Port-Potty! Nice placement, Event Organizers!
MILE 5: Dammit! The 7:30 and 8:00 pacers are ahead of me. How long was I in that Porto-Potty? Crap, now I'm cold again. Did I wet myself? Dammit!
MILE 6: Dammit again! How do they drink while running? I think I moistened my lips with that one. I definitely wet myself again but at least it's water this time. On a better note: Suck it 8:00 Pacer!
MILE 7: Ok, back in the groove. Time to play a little "Catch the Bunny." (For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, "Catch the Bunny" is simple: Anyone ahead of you is a bunny whom you must "catch" or pass. Once you catch the bunny you find a new bunny to catch, and so on, etc. The rules to this game are probably different in Hefner's house.)
MILE 8: Another water stop? Ok, not complaining. Ooooh, gels! I can do this while running. Choke... choke... gasp... gurgle. Dammit! How the hell can you swallow a frozen ball of gel pudding? Better wash it down with... Dammit!!
MILE 9: I am a complete mess. I have frozen snot on my face mingled with chocolatey streaks of Hammer Gel spittle. I am smiling. I am having fun. Weather has become a perfect day for running: cold with a gentle wind and sunny! Day is looking up! Oh, and, Suck it 7:30 Pacer!
MILE 10: If you were watching a movie this would be the time when music signaling disaster would be played. Maybe even slow motion filming. Something dramatic. ARGGHHHH! Knee pain!! Can't... run... must hobble... why God? Why??? (Picture me falling to my knees, arms held aloft, pointing to the heavens beseeching the gods to end my torment. Very moving moment. Definitely a tearjerker. Possibly Oscar-worthy. Maybe just very, very whiny.)
MILE 11: Well, my IT band (iliotibitial band) has just made my race go from fantastic to less than fantastic... maybe just -tic. I think the 7:30 Pacer just told me to suck it. Asshole.
MILE 12: Did I mention my IT band? It hurts. My knee hurts. It's preventing me from running at full strenth and stride. I have been reduced from an almost awe inspiring performance (awed that I am still running at this point... why did I take up this insane activity?) to a shadow of my heroic pace. It's like being reduced from a mighty ode to a baudy limerick; but without the naughty bits. Hey, look, there goes the 8:00 Pacer. Is she giggling? Douche.
MILE 13: At last! The finish line. I was thankfully able to take the skirt off and muster up the resolve to run. I did manage to catch the 8:00 Bunny (suck it) and pseudo-sprint to the finish line. They even announced my name as I crossed which may not be much, they were announcing many people as they came to the end, it was still very cool to a newbie-runner. Finishing time: 1:44:25.1 Pace: 7:59. My best half to date!
Summary: Great event. Well organized throughout the route. Fun people. Water stops were well placed and there was plenty of food and drinks at the end. The course is very flat and makes for a good starter half. Yes it was cold but what do you want for a New England February at the beach. I will be doing this race again in 2012. Watch yourselves Pacers. I'm coming after you... except that 6:30 Pacer... that's just psychotic.
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