Triathlons Are Dumb

Can we all just agree right now that triathlons are dumb?

Isn't it a bit elitest to throw three sports into one race?  "Oooo, look at me!  I can swim, bike, and run well.  I'm a superior athlete.  I eat endorphins for breakfast.  My resting pulse is 3.  All my clothes are spandex...."

Ok, the spandex clothes are cool, but the rest?  Ugh...

Whatever happened to the good ole days when swimmers swam, cyclists cycled, and runners were mocked by everyone?  Nowadays it seems that if you only do one of the three you're considered lazy, and if you do two of the three you might as well have a menage trois and join all three together for an athletic orgy... which, as I write this, sounds awesome.... but, still, my point remains the same!

Dumb.

Admittedly, they've grown in popularity over the last decade or so and have pushed the envelope on physical fitness; but, let's be honest, pushing America's physical fitness envelope doesn't require much.  Putting down that damn glazed doughnut would be a start.  They have given many people a new, healthy pastime versus, say, binge drinking while watching amateur porn and slowly falling asleep drenched in your own tears.  Although, both involve a certain level of dedication.  Triathlons have brought people together with a common goal not to win or to place but to compete and complete.  These competitions have enabled many to get off their couches, put down their remotes, and start feeling alive again!

But, really?  Dumb.

Yes, I will concede that triathlons, be they sprint, olympic, international, half, or full, have allowed many to feel alive again, if not through their training then through their sense of accomplishment after crossing that finish line.  I will also capitulate that because of the growing popularity we now have younger and younger people (read: kids) wanting to be involved with this activity.  This is far better than what most kids are doing which I can only assume, after looking at them, is eating lard from a jar.

But you're still missing my point and it is this... regardless of all the facts before us, regardless of the many emotional and mental benefits these events bring to us, regardless of the boon to physical fitness... triathlons are dumb.

They are dumb...

... and I completely suck at them.