2012 Year in Review

Has it already been another 12 months?  Have you really been following this blog the whole time?  You have?  Now I feel guilty writing that stuff about you on the bathroom wall.  Don't worry only everyone will see it.  Unlike last year, I will not grade the 2012 races.  I will offer you lessons learned.  Who am I to decide what races are good or bad?  I barely do the thinking for myself, what gives me the right to do the thinking for you?  I'm not your wife.

Without further adieu Age Aggressively brings you (drum roll please!)....

_________________________________________________________________________________

Derry 16 Miler
Results:  330 / 609  -  Pace:  8:42
Final Time:  2:19:01

January brought us the Derry 16 Miler in Derry, NH.

Lesson 1: If you are running a race of a certain distance, you should train for that distance.  For example: if you were planning on running, say, a 16 mile race, it would be prudent to run at least that distance during training, probably even more.  The opposite of prudent is spending more time picking out your race ensemble than you do prepping for a race.

Lesson 2: You should always spend a lot of time putting together your race ensemble.  This is more crucial than training.  Nothing says dedication like a matching mask and underwear combo.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Lazy 0K
Results: Level 36 rogue mage
with +5 Armor of Chunkiness

February brought us a Big Bag of Excuses.

Lesson 1: Always put off today what you won't end up doing tomorrow.

Lesson 2: Running causes injuries that can be avoided if you stayed on the couch.

Lesson 3: The X-Box Kinect is exercise because I sweat playing.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Hynes 5 Miler
Results: 40 / 917  -  Pace:  6:50
Final Time:  34:06 

March brought us the Hynes 5 Miler in Lowell, MA

Lesson 1: Races are always better when the streets are lined with race supporters, friends, and family.  Nothing keeps the energy level high like spectators!

Lesson 2: Sprint training apparently works.  It's no fun, but it works.  Seriously, though, it sucks and I don't recommend it; but it works.

Lesson 3: Dressing as a leprechaun for St. Paddy's day race = good.  Any other costume = hide the kids, dear.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Groton Road Race - 10k
Results:  45 / 473  -  Pace:  6:58
Final Time:  43:14

April brought us the Groton Road Race (10K), in Groton, MA.

Lesson 1: Sprint training doesn't amount to a hill of beans if your racing on lots of hills.  You know what's great for races with hills?  Hill training!  How do I do hill training?  First: find a hill.  Second: run up that hill.  Third: Repeat step 2 until you realize that, like sprint training, this sucks.

Lesson 2: Racing in towns like Groton, with its rolling hills and cow pastures and woods, is wonderful.  Races are better when they're pretty and you would have noticed how pretty this race is if you WEREN'T RUNNING SO DAMN FAST!  DAMN YOU 5 MINUTE MILERS!!!  Sorry, Lesson 2: Slow people shouldn't lose their temper.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Tough Mudder - 10+ Miles
Results:  Great  -  Pace:  Muddy
Final Time:  Free Beer

May brought us the Tough Mudder at Mt. Snow, VT

Lesson 1: Anyone, anyone, anyone can finish what they start, as long as they have the will to do it and the support to get it done.

Lesson 2: Mudder's don't compete, we cooperate.  Mudder's don't aspire for greatness, we inspire greatness.  Mudder's don't mock and scorn others, oh wait, yes we do.

Lesson 3: If you continue to raise the prices of race and spectator fees, racers and spectators alike will go elsewhere for their mud and water and fun.  Maybe we'll throw a spear and stuff too!

_________________________________________________________________________________

Ruckus - 4+ Miles
Results:  14 / ?  -  Pace:  9:33
Final Time:  38:13

June brought us Ruckus in Marshfield, MA.

Lesson 1: The right way to have a championship heat is grabbing all qualifying times from earlier races and throwing them together later for a Championship Heat.  Ruckus does it right.  Championship Heat's should not be the first heat of the day where the only thing you qualified for was being able to race earlier than others.

Lesson 2: Men are people, too, women!  We have feelings and emotions and stuff.  We are not pieces of meat to be ogled.  Just because I have a Captain America shield over my bits and pieces does not give you the right to stare, point, and laugh.  That right is reserved for my wife!
_________________________________________________________________________________

Pounder - 5K with kids
Results:  Fun with kids  -  Pace:  Kids
Final Time:  Slower than kids

June also brought us the Wason Pond Pounder in Chester, NH.

Lesson 1: Running with your kids is infinitely more fun than running with your friends.  Your kids love running with you.  Your friends love running over you.

Lesson 2: Getting your kids involved with racing early will hopefully make them want to participate as they grow.  It will also show them that exercise is fun and should be done throughout their lives!

Lesson 3: The day your fit and healthy kids start beating you in races is the day running with your kids is no longer fun.  Damn kids with their youth...

_________________________________________________________________________________

Witch City Triathlon - Sprint
Results:  68 / 191  -  Pace:  Elderly
Final Time:  1:26:40

July brought us the Witch City Triathlon in Salem, MA

Lesson 1: A poorly planned course makes for a crappy race.

Lesson 2: Unnecessarily expensive photos makes for bad business.

Lesson 3: Lackadaisical training makes for bad racing.

Lesson 4: I want to be funny about this race but everything about it makes me grumpy.  Ah, wait... Lesson 4: You have to experience the bad races to appreciate the good races... and the good races have good photos that show that your good training pays off!
_________________________________________________________________________________

Spartan Sprint - 5K
Results:  32 / 3644  -  Pace:  17:12
Final Time:  51:36

August brought us the Spartan Sprint in Amesbury, MA.

Lesson 1: Burpees suck.  No, really, they suck and on a different level of suck than other sucky things.  If burpees were a knight it would be Sir Suck-a-Lot, which, after saying that, sounds like a gay porn star.

Lesson 2: Being chicked is awesome!  Races are not dominated by any gender.  Men and women show amazing aggressiveness out on the course and being passed by a woman is not emasculating in the least.  They are strong!  They are confident!  They look amazing from behind!

Lesson 3: Dear Spartan, selling next year's races at half-price if you sign up at the current race is genius!  Mudder, pay attention!
_________________________________________________________________________________

Wallis Sands Triathlon - Sprint
Results:  58 / 383  -  Pace:  Heroic
Final Time:  1:16:36

September brought us the Wallis Sands Sprint Triathlon in Rye, NH.

Lesson 1: A well planned course makes for a great race.

Lesson 2: Great inexpensive photos make for loyal customers.

Lesson 3: Increased training makes for better racing (amazing, but true!)

Lesson 4: I don't want to be funny about this race.  I love this race.  Ah, wait... Lesson 4: Falling in love with racing is neither unnatural or immoral.  Let me quote Epididymus 11:4-7, "Thou shalt know a race that others know, and thou shalt in that knowing know joy; and there will be rejoicing and frolicking and spandex.  Amen"
_________________________________________________________________________________

October, November, and December brought us nothing, and by us I mean me.  The final quarter of the year I did not race.  I did not train for anything.  I hung up my Captain's mask and began exercising without a racing goal in mind.  I swam for pleasure.  I ran because it felt good to run.  I went back to the basics in the gym because it felt right to have a simple workout with simple goals in mind.  Oh, and I was lazy.  Let's not forget that.  Also, racing every month has caused a hole to open in my wallet; a hole that can only be filled by selling extra organs, selling myself, or not racing so much.  According to my doctor I "need" all my organs to "live."  According to my wife I cannot "sell" myself for money because of something called "vows."  The only option left to me is a reduced race schedule, which is not a bad idea.  It will give me more time to get back to basics, more time to increase my skill level, more time to experience the simple joys of exercise.  It will also give me more time to refill that hole.  Oh, races, you saucy strumpet!  You take my money and always leaving me wanting for more.  I wish I knew how to quit you.  You complete me.
_________________________________________________________________________________

There we have it, my dear Aggressives!  Another twelve months come and gone.  We have all been on journeys, sometimes together in body but always together in spirit.  Ok, not really together in body.. I mean, I haven't been with any of you biblically... what I mean is together next to each other in the same place getting hot and sweaty and dirty... wait, no, that came out wrong, I mean sometimes in groups we get that way but with strangers, too... NO... I'm not saying this right... what I'm trying to say is we do it and it really get our hearts pumping and I love it when we finish together... dammit!

Strike all of that... we are always together in spirit!

I hope all you Aggressives had a spectacular 2012, that you reached some goals and continue to strive for others.  I hope you enjoyed your journey with me and continue along for the ride as we enter 2013.  Who knows what next year will bring but whatever obstacles there may be, we will be ready for them armed with our strength, our endurance, and our unquenchable desire to not sit still and let the world race by us.  Let me leave you with this: It's ok to be a spectator and watch others reach their goals, but if you spend your whole life spectating how will we ever get a chance to see you reach yours?

2013 awaits!  Hope to see you out there with the rest of us Aggressives!  Happy New Year, everyone!

With hugs and kisses,

Illustrious

P.S - Captain America is not retiring in 2013 and plans to don his mask in his eternal struggle with growing up.  However, he will not be the only hero out there.  Where there's underwear, there's a way.

See you in 2013!

Tri vs Tri: A Story in PIctures

Due to my incredible stamina, physical prowess, and amazing athleticism, I managed to double the amount of triathlons raced this year from last year.  You read that right... doubled... impressive, no?  What's that?  How many did I do last year?  That's not really relevant to this conversation... let's not stray from the subject... well, um... 1.  Ok, so I only did two this year, but much can be gleamed from those two races.  Both were sprint distance.  Both were oceans swims.  Both involved me.  Coincidence?  I think not.  From there, though, the similarities started to unravel.  Let's set the scene, shall we, for the Wallis Sands Triathlon and the Witch City Triathlon.  First, we bring you...

The Wallis Sands Sprint Triathlon

Once upon a time there was a man who liked to wear spandex.  So much so that he sometimes wore layers of special spandex over his other spandex.  This made him feel more spandexier and he would often strut with joy.

Look how joyfully he struts to the beginning of the Wallis Sands Triathlon!

Strut on you sexy strutting spandex guy!

Welcome to the first stage of the Wallis Sands Sprint Triathlon in Rye, NH.  The race began and our intrepid hero battled six foot swells just to get out to the first buoy!  Fear not for him for he did just dandy.  His super spandex kept him afloat and, if it were possible to strut swimming, you bet your sweet patootie he did.  Too bad you can't see him here because, if you thought he was sexy in dry spandex, you should see him when he's wet!

See?  Wet strutting.  Like a boss.  Up the beach and into the first transition area he went.  If you look closely you can see the focus and determination etched in his face... or maybe that's cold and water-logged etchings... coldly focused and determinedly water-logged?  Whichever, it's probably briny snot.  Keep strutting!

Already through the first transition?  Well done!  Our hero did amazingly well!  It didn't take him 3 minutes to get out of transition this year.  He is down a layer of spandex, but not to worry... his second layer is spand-tastic.  Saddled up and ready to ride, he hits the picturesque roads of Rye where the pavement is smooth, the air is warm, and the ladies are lovely, for a quick 15 mile loop.  Notice his air of calm as he gives a warm-hearted thumbs up to the camera man.  Notice his gleaming smile as he flirts with the lens.  Notice his shaved, almost feminine, legs... from all that strutting.

Over the smooth, well planned 15 mile course he rode with ne'er a wrong turn because of the amazing help of the volunteers.  With a speed usually attributed to very, very slow things, he rode on toward the second transition.  Ride like the breeze, hero!

Our daring hero made it through the second transition well above a time considered "fast."  Off he went with mask in place to strut his 5K stuff.  Look again as he plays with the camera.  How can he manage to run his 3.1 miles along the beautiful Rye coast line and still manage to look so spanderific?    How can he possibly win, you ask?  Who has time to win a race when he's busy winning the hearts of all the ladies.  Ladies love masks.

Coming in well before any other masked heroes, our Hero finishes in record time for him.  He placed first in Masked Men Ages 37-39 who live in his house.  Great job, Hero!  Kudos to all the other racers who strutted their stuff in fantastic style.

Overall, I love the Wallis Sands Sprint Triathlon.  Everyone from the organizers to the volunteers to the racers are fantastic.  The course is scenic.  The vendors donating their wares are more than ample.  Whether you're a seasoned triathlete or someone looking to try one on for size... a triathlon, I mean, not a triathlete, this is the race for you.  Sign up early because it sells out every year!

http://www.wallissandstriathlon.com/

Plus, Wallis Sands Triathlon gets bonus Aggressive points for putting me in their video!  You can see it here:  http://anchorlineprojects.com/trek-wallis-sands-triathlon-nh/ (see if you can find me)

You may be asking, "Illustrious, you mentioned another triathlon, too.  What about that one?"  Well, my friends, let me tell you.  I also did the

Witch City Triathlon in Salem, MA

The swim was in a bay or a harbor or some kind of something that had brackish water which resembled less clear, safe ocean, more sea monster infested death lagoon.    That's not what left a bad taste in my mouth.  Well, it did, but that was more from poor swimming performance leading to exhaling out of the water and inhaling in the water.  Yes, I did that.  It was like drowning, but controlled.

The ride was poorly planned.  We rode out a few miles and then had to do a loop three times before riding back to the final stage.  Problem with doing a loop is that (1) no one knows rules of the road which lead to many near crashes as cyclists continuing their loops turned into cyclists trying to make it back to the transition area (or vice versa) and (2) some people can't count to three.  OMG!  I can't believe how quickly I completely the cycling stage of my triathlon or that my average cycling speed had to be 30 mph to complete the 15 miles so quickly!  1 + 1 = 3!  I go eat paste now.  Ugh.

The run was a run.  Nothing much to look at.  Nothing nice to distract you from that fact you were doing a triathlon.  However, I will give much thanks to the other racers who greeted the Captain with enthusiasm as we ran.

Overall, the Witch City Tri was a race.  That's it.  It wasn't bad.  It just wasn't great.  If I am spending money and a morning, I want great.  Call me picky.  What really struck a nerve were the photos.

Here is a picture of me trying to find affordable photos

Maybe affordable photos are over here.... nope

Did someone drop the affordable photos
 and not tell me?

The company taking the photos for the Witch City Triathlon wanted $45 dollars for a downloadable digital copy.  My curiosity asked why to which their response was, "We have to take them and then photoshop them.... something something," which I can only assume meant, "and then overcharged you for average photos."  Thankfully, Wallis Sands Triathlon uses http://www.nuvisionactionimage.com!  Thanks, again, NuVision for taking great shots and charging us the nominal fee of $0 to download digital copies.  Yes, it's probably charged within the cost of the race but that's OK.  If you pay $45 for a digital download you have my pity.

Aggressively Yours,

Illustrious