Has it already been another 12 months? Have you really been following this blog the whole time? You have? Now I feel guilty writing that stuff about you on the bathroom wall. Don't worry only everyone will see it. Unlike last year, I will not grade the 2012 races. I will offer you lessons learned. Who am I to decide what races are good or bad? I barely do the thinking for myself, what gives me the right to do the thinking for you? I'm not your wife.
Lesson 2: You should always spend a lot of time putting together your race ensemble. This is more crucial than training. Nothing says dedication like a matching mask and underwear combo.
February brought us a Big Bag of Excuses.
Lesson 1: Always put off today what you won't end up doing tomorrow.
Lesson 2: Running causes injuries that can be avoided if you stayed on the couch.
Lesson 3: The X-Box Kinect is exercise because I sweat playing.
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March brought us the Hynes 5 Miler in Lowell, MA
Lesson 1: Races are always better when the streets are lined with race supporters, friends, and family. Nothing keeps the energy level high like spectators!
Lesson 2: Sprint training apparently works. It's no fun, but it works. Seriously, though, it sucks and I don't recommend it; but it works.
Lesson 3: Dressing as a leprechaun for St. Paddy's day race = good. Any other costume = hide the kids, dear.
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April brought us the Groton Road Race (10K), in Groton, MA.
Lesson 1: Sprint training doesn't amount to a hill of beans if your racing on lots of hills. You know what's great for races with hills? Hill training! How do I do hill training? First: find a hill. Second: run up that hill. Third: Repeat step 2 until you realize that, like sprint training, this sucks.
Lesson 2: Racing in towns like Groton, with its rolling hills and cow pastures and woods, is wonderful. Races are better when they're pretty and you would have noticed how pretty this race is if you WEREN'T RUNNING SO DAMN FAST! DAMN YOU 5 MINUTE MILERS!!! Sorry, Lesson 2: Slow people shouldn't lose their temper.
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May brought us the Tough Mudder at Mt. Snow, VT
Lesson 1: Anyone, anyone, anyone can finish what they start, as long as they have the will to do it and the support to get it done.
Lesson 2: Mudder's don't compete, we cooperate. Mudder's don't aspire for greatness, we inspire greatness. Mudder's don't mock and scorn others, oh wait, yes we do.
Lesson 3: If you continue to raise the prices of race and spectator fees, racers and spectators alike will go elsewhere for their mud and water and fun. Maybe we'll throw a spear and stuff too!
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June brought us Ruckus in Marshfield, MA.
Lesson 1: The right way to have a championship heat is grabbing all qualifying times from earlier races and throwing them together later for a Championship Heat. Ruckus does it right. Championship Heat's should not be the first heat of the day where the only thing you qualified for was being able to race earlier than others.
Lesson 2: Men are people, too, women! We have feelings and emotions and stuff. We are not pieces of meat to be ogled. Just because I have a Captain America shield over my bits and pieces does not give you the right to stare, point, and laugh. That right is reserved for my wife!
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June also brought us the Wason Pond Pounder in Chester, NH.
Lesson 1: Running with your kids is infinitely more fun than running with your friends. Your kids love running with you. Your friends love running over you.
Lesson 2: Getting your kids involved with racing early will hopefully make them want to participate as they grow. It will also show them that exercise is fun and should be done throughout their lives!
Lesson 3: The day your fit and healthy kids start beating you in races is the day running with your kids is no longer fun. Damn kids with their youth...
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July brought us the Witch City Triathlon in Salem, MA
Lesson 1: A poorly planned course makes for a crappy race.
Lesson 2: Unnecessarily expensive photos makes for bad business.
Lesson 3: Lackadaisical training makes for bad racing.
Lesson 4: I want to be funny about this race but everything about it makes me grumpy. Ah, wait... Lesson 4: You have to experience the bad races to appreciate the good races... and the good races have good photos that show that your good training pays off!
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August brought us the Spartan Sprint in Amesbury, MA.
Lesson 1: Burpees suck. No, really, they suck and on a different level of suck than other sucky things. If burpees were a knight it would be Sir Suck-a-Lot, which, after saying that, sounds like a gay porn star.
Lesson 2: Being chicked is awesome! Races are not dominated by any gender. Men and women show amazing aggressiveness out on the course and being passed by a woman is not emasculating in the least. They are strong! They are confident! They look amazing from behind!
Lesson 3: Dear Spartan, selling next year's races at half-price if you sign up at the current race is genius! Mudder, pay attention!
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September brought us the Wallis Sands Sprint Triathlon in Rye, NH.
Lesson 1: A well planned course makes for a great race.
Lesson 2: Great inexpensive photos make for loyal customers.
Lesson 3: Increased training makes for better racing (amazing, but true!)
Lesson 4: I don't want to be funny about this race. I love this race. Ah, wait... Lesson 4: Falling in love with racing is neither unnatural or immoral. Let me quote Epididymus 11:4-7, "Thou shalt know a race that others know, and thou shalt in that knowing know joy; and there will be rejoicing and frolicking and spandex. Amen"
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October, November, and December brought us nothing, and by us I mean me. The final quarter of the year I did not race. I did not train for anything. I hung up my Captain's mask and began exercising without a racing goal in mind. I swam for pleasure. I ran because it felt good to run. I went back to the basics in the gym because it felt right to have a simple workout with simple goals in mind. Oh, and I was lazy. Let's not forget that. Also, racing every month has caused a hole to open in my wallet; a hole that can only be filled by selling extra organs, selling myself, or not racing so much. According to my doctor I "need" all my organs to "live." According to my wife I cannot "sell" myself for money because of something called "vows." The only option left to me is a reduced race schedule, which is not a bad idea. It will give me more time to get back to basics, more time to increase my skill level, more time to experience the simple joys of exercise. It will also give me more time to refill that hole. Oh, races, you saucy strumpet! You take my money and always leaving me wanting for more. I wish I knew how to quit you. You complete me.
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There we have it, my dear Aggressives! Another twelve months come and gone. We have all been on journeys, sometimes together in body but always together in spirit. Ok, not really together in body.. I mean, I haven't been with any of you biblically... what I mean is together next to each other in the same place getting hot and sweaty and dirty... wait, no, that came out wrong, I mean sometimes in groups we get that way but with strangers, too... NO... I'm not saying this right... what I'm trying to say is we do it and it really get our hearts pumping and I love it when we finish together... dammit!
Strike all of that... we are always together in spirit!
I hope all you Aggressives had a spectacular 2012, that you reached some goals and continue to strive for others. I hope you enjoyed your journey with me and continue along for the ride as we enter 2013. Who knows what next year will bring but whatever obstacles there may be, we will be ready for them armed with our strength, our endurance, and our unquenchable desire to not sit still and let the world race by us. Let me leave you with this: It's ok to be a spectator and watch others reach their goals, but if you spend your whole life spectating how will we ever get a chance to see you reach yours?
2013 awaits! Hope to see you out there with the rest of us Aggressives! Happy New Year, everyone!
Without further adieu Age Aggressively brings you (drum roll please!)....
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| Derry 16 Miler Results: 330 / 609 - Pace: 8:42 Final Time: 2:19:01 |
January brought us the Derry 16 Miler in Derry, NH.
Lesson 1: If you are running a race of a certain distance, you should train for that distance. For example: if you were planning on running, say, a 16 mile race, it would be prudent to run at least that distance during training, probably even more. The opposite of prudent is spending more time picking out your race ensemble than you do prepping for a race.
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| Lazy 0K Results: Level 36 rogue mage with +5 Armor of Chunkiness |
Lesson 1: Always put off today what you won't end up doing tomorrow.
Lesson 2: Running causes injuries that can be avoided if you stayed on the couch.
Lesson 3: The X-Box Kinect is exercise because I sweat playing.
_________________________________________________________________________________
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| Hynes 5 Miler Results: 40 / 917 - Pace: 6:50 Final Time: 34:06 |
Lesson 1: Races are always better when the streets are lined with race supporters, friends, and family. Nothing keeps the energy level high like spectators!
Lesson 2: Sprint training apparently works. It's no fun, but it works. Seriously, though, it sucks and I don't recommend it; but it works.
Lesson 3: Dressing as a leprechaun for St. Paddy's day race = good. Any other costume = hide the kids, dear.
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| Groton Road Race - 10k Results: 45 / 473 - Pace: 6:58 Final Time: 43:14 |
Lesson 1: Sprint training doesn't amount to a hill of beans if your racing on lots of hills. You know what's great for races with hills? Hill training! How do I do hill training? First: find a hill. Second: run up that hill. Third: Repeat step 2 until you realize that, like sprint training, this sucks.
Lesson 2: Racing in towns like Groton, with its rolling hills and cow pastures and woods, is wonderful. Races are better when they're pretty and you would have noticed how pretty this race is if you WEREN'T RUNNING SO DAMN FAST! DAMN YOU 5 MINUTE MILERS!!! Sorry, Lesson 2: Slow people shouldn't lose their temper.
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| Tough Mudder - 10+ Miles Results: Great - Pace: Muddy Final Time: Free Beer |
Lesson 1: Anyone, anyone, anyone can finish what they start, as long as they have the will to do it and the support to get it done.
Lesson 2: Mudder's don't compete, we cooperate. Mudder's don't aspire for greatness, we inspire greatness. Mudder's don't mock and scorn others, oh wait, yes we do.
Lesson 3: If you continue to raise the prices of race and spectator fees, racers and spectators alike will go elsewhere for their mud and water and fun. Maybe we'll throw a spear and stuff too!
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| Ruckus - 4+ Miles Results: 14 / ? - Pace: 9:33 Final Time: 38:13 |
Lesson 1: The right way to have a championship heat is grabbing all qualifying times from earlier races and throwing them together later for a Championship Heat. Ruckus does it right. Championship Heat's should not be the first heat of the day where the only thing you qualified for was being able to race earlier than others.
Lesson 2: Men are people, too, women! We have feelings and emotions and stuff. We are not pieces of meat to be ogled. Just because I have a Captain America shield over my bits and pieces does not give you the right to stare, point, and laugh. That right is reserved for my wife!
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| Pounder - 5K with kids Results: Fun with kids - Pace: Kids Final Time: Slower than kids |
Lesson 1: Running with your kids is infinitely more fun than running with your friends. Your kids love running with you. Your friends love running over you.
Lesson 2: Getting your kids involved with racing early will hopefully make them want to participate as they grow. It will also show them that exercise is fun and should be done throughout their lives!
Lesson 3: The day your fit and healthy kids start beating you in races is the day running with your kids is no longer fun. Damn kids with their youth...
_________________________________________________________________________________
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| Witch City Triathlon - Sprint Results: 68 / 191 - Pace: Elderly Final Time: 1:26:40 |
Lesson 1: A poorly planned course makes for a crappy race.
Lesson 2: Unnecessarily expensive photos makes for bad business.
Lesson 3: Lackadaisical training makes for bad racing.
Lesson 4: I want to be funny about this race but everything about it makes me grumpy. Ah, wait... Lesson 4: You have to experience the bad races to appreciate the good races... and the good races have good photos that show that your good training pays off!
_________________________________________________________________________________
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| Spartan Sprint - 5K Results: 32 / 3644 - Pace: 17:12 Final Time: 51:36 |
Lesson 1: Burpees suck. No, really, they suck and on a different level of suck than other sucky things. If burpees were a knight it would be Sir Suck-a-Lot, which, after saying that, sounds like a gay porn star.
Lesson 2: Being chicked is awesome! Races are not dominated by any gender. Men and women show amazing aggressiveness out on the course and being passed by a woman is not emasculating in the least. They are strong! They are confident! They look amazing from behind!
Lesson 3: Dear Spartan, selling next year's races at half-price if you sign up at the current race is genius! Mudder, pay attention!
_________________________________________________________________________________
 |
| Wallis Sands Triathlon - Sprint Results: 58 / 383 - Pace: Heroic Final Time: 1:16:36 |
Lesson 1: A well planned course makes for a great race.
Lesson 2: Great inexpensive photos make for loyal customers.
Lesson 3: Increased training makes for better racing (amazing, but true!)
Lesson 4: I don't want to be funny about this race. I love this race. Ah, wait... Lesson 4: Falling in love with racing is neither unnatural or immoral. Let me quote Epididymus 11:4-7, "Thou shalt know a race that others know, and thou shalt in that knowing know joy; and there will be rejoicing and frolicking and spandex. Amen"
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
There we have it, my dear Aggressives! Another twelve months come and gone. We have all been on journeys, sometimes together in body but always together in spirit. Ok, not really together in body.. I mean, I haven't been with any of you biblically... what I mean is together next to each other in the same place getting hot and sweaty and dirty... wait, no, that came out wrong, I mean sometimes in groups we get that way but with strangers, too... NO... I'm not saying this right... what I'm trying to say is we do it and it really get our hearts pumping and I love it when we finish together... dammit!
Strike all of that... we are always together in spirit!
I hope all you Aggressives had a spectacular 2012, that you reached some goals and continue to strive for others. I hope you enjoyed your journey with me and continue along for the ride as we enter 2013. Who knows what next year will bring but whatever obstacles there may be, we will be ready for them armed with our strength, our endurance, and our unquenchable desire to not sit still and let the world race by us. Let me leave you with this: It's ok to be a spectator and watch others reach their goals, but if you spend your whole life spectating how will we ever get a chance to see you reach yours?
2013 awaits! Hope to see you out there with the rest of us Aggressives! Happy New Year, everyone!
With hugs and kisses,
Illustrious
P.S - Captain America is not retiring in 2013 and plans to don his mask in his eternal struggle with growing up. However, he will not be the only hero out there. Where there's underwear, there's a way.
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| See you in 2013! |
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