Tri vs Tri: A Story in PIctures

Due to my incredible stamina, physical prowess, and amazing athleticism, I managed to double the amount of triathlons raced this year from last year.  You read that right... doubled... impressive, no?  What's that?  How many did I do last year?  That's not really relevant to this conversation... let's not stray from the subject... well, um... 1.  Ok, so I only did two this year, but much can be gleamed from those two races.  Both were sprint distance.  Both were oceans swims.  Both involved me.  Coincidence?  I think not.  From there, though, the similarities started to unravel.  Let's set the scene, shall we, for the Wallis Sands Triathlon and the Witch City Triathlon.  First, we bring you...

The Wallis Sands Sprint Triathlon

Once upon a time there was a man who liked to wear spandex.  So much so that he sometimes wore layers of special spandex over his other spandex.  This made him feel more spandexier and he would often strut with joy.

Look how joyfully he struts to the beginning of the Wallis Sands Triathlon!

Strut on you sexy strutting spandex guy!

Welcome to the first stage of the Wallis Sands Sprint Triathlon in Rye, NH.  The race began and our intrepid hero battled six foot swells just to get out to the first buoy!  Fear not for him for he did just dandy.  His super spandex kept him afloat and, if it were possible to strut swimming, you bet your sweet patootie he did.  Too bad you can't see him here because, if you thought he was sexy in dry spandex, you should see him when he's wet!

See?  Wet strutting.  Like a boss.  Up the beach and into the first transition area he went.  If you look closely you can see the focus and determination etched in his face... or maybe that's cold and water-logged etchings... coldly focused and determinedly water-logged?  Whichever, it's probably briny snot.  Keep strutting!

Already through the first transition?  Well done!  Our hero did amazingly well!  It didn't take him 3 minutes to get out of transition this year.  He is down a layer of spandex, but not to worry... his second layer is spand-tastic.  Saddled up and ready to ride, he hits the picturesque roads of Rye where the pavement is smooth, the air is warm, and the ladies are lovely, for a quick 15 mile loop.  Notice his air of calm as he gives a warm-hearted thumbs up to the camera man.  Notice his gleaming smile as he flirts with the lens.  Notice his shaved, almost feminine, legs... from all that strutting.

Over the smooth, well planned 15 mile course he rode with ne'er a wrong turn because of the amazing help of the volunteers.  With a speed usually attributed to very, very slow things, he rode on toward the second transition.  Ride like the breeze, hero!

Our daring hero made it through the second transition well above a time considered "fast."  Off he went with mask in place to strut his 5K stuff.  Look again as he plays with the camera.  How can he manage to run his 3.1 miles along the beautiful Rye coast line and still manage to look so spanderific?    How can he possibly win, you ask?  Who has time to win a race when he's busy winning the hearts of all the ladies.  Ladies love masks.

Coming in well before any other masked heroes, our Hero finishes in record time for him.  He placed first in Masked Men Ages 37-39 who live in his house.  Great job, Hero!  Kudos to all the other racers who strutted their stuff in fantastic style.

Overall, I love the Wallis Sands Sprint Triathlon.  Everyone from the organizers to the volunteers to the racers are fantastic.  The course is scenic.  The vendors donating their wares are more than ample.  Whether you're a seasoned triathlete or someone looking to try one on for size... a triathlon, I mean, not a triathlete, this is the race for you.  Sign up early because it sells out every year!

http://www.wallissandstriathlon.com/

Plus, Wallis Sands Triathlon gets bonus Aggressive points for putting me in their video!  You can see it here:  http://anchorlineprojects.com/trek-wallis-sands-triathlon-nh/ (see if you can find me)

You may be asking, "Illustrious, you mentioned another triathlon, too.  What about that one?"  Well, my friends, let me tell you.  I also did the

Witch City Triathlon in Salem, MA

The swim was in a bay or a harbor or some kind of something that had brackish water which resembled less clear, safe ocean, more sea monster infested death lagoon.    That's not what left a bad taste in my mouth.  Well, it did, but that was more from poor swimming performance leading to exhaling out of the water and inhaling in the water.  Yes, I did that.  It was like drowning, but controlled.

The ride was poorly planned.  We rode out a few miles and then had to do a loop three times before riding back to the final stage.  Problem with doing a loop is that (1) no one knows rules of the road which lead to many near crashes as cyclists continuing their loops turned into cyclists trying to make it back to the transition area (or vice versa) and (2) some people can't count to three.  OMG!  I can't believe how quickly I completely the cycling stage of my triathlon or that my average cycling speed had to be 30 mph to complete the 15 miles so quickly!  1 + 1 = 3!  I go eat paste now.  Ugh.

The run was a run.  Nothing much to look at.  Nothing nice to distract you from that fact you were doing a triathlon.  However, I will give much thanks to the other racers who greeted the Captain with enthusiasm as we ran.

Overall, the Witch City Tri was a race.  That's it.  It wasn't bad.  It just wasn't great.  If I am spending money and a morning, I want great.  Call me picky.  What really struck a nerve were the photos.

Here is a picture of me trying to find affordable photos

Maybe affordable photos are over here.... nope

Did someone drop the affordable photos
 and not tell me?

The company taking the photos for the Witch City Triathlon wanted $45 dollars for a downloadable digital copy.  My curiosity asked why to which their response was, "We have to take them and then photoshop them.... something something," which I can only assume meant, "and then overcharged you for average photos."  Thankfully, Wallis Sands Triathlon uses http://www.nuvisionactionimage.com!  Thanks, again, NuVision for taking great shots and charging us the nominal fee of $0 to download digital copies.  Yes, it's probably charged within the cost of the race but that's OK.  If you pay $45 for a digital download you have my pity.

Aggressively Yours,

Illustrious