Rants and Raves: Spartan Sprint Amesbury 2013

Reebok Spartan Race series - Spartan Sprint

Where it was:  Amesbury Sports Park, Amesbury, MA

What it is:  This is Spartan's 5K, which usually is a bit longer than 3.1 miles, probably more like 3.5 - 4.0 miles.  Within the course Spartans will encounter at least 15 obstacles... at least.  Let's put the number around 20 - 25 to play it safe because rocks and trees on the trails are obstacles, people all over the course are obstacles, sweat and blood in my eyes are obstacles, f**king burpees, which are the penalties for failing any obstacle, are obstacles, and lack of training on my part is a frickin' obstacle.

Who was racing: Team Age Aggressively (13 strong, virile, young, and incredibly good looking men and women between the ages of 18 to somewhere older than 18) was representing in true Spartan form, along with over 4000 other Spartans of all ages.

Almost all of Team Age Aggressively before the race... the others were aggressively late.
From left to right: "To be nicknamed", Hello Nurse, Old Daddy, Assisted Living, Hugh Jameson, Illustrious, Nice Pipes, "to be nicknamed", Countess Ovum., (little dude in the middle needs to be nicknamed, too)

Why we do it:  

Glory.  Fame.  Bumps and bruises, scratches and scrapes.  Free celebratory beer.  Free celebratory muddy hugs.  Fun and good times.  Sexy Spartans.  Spandex.  Sports bras and booty shorts.  Bragging rights.  Hanging with old friends.  Making new friends.  Did I say bras and booty shorts yet?

Rants:

1. I hate paying for parking but, due to limited parking at the sports park, we Spartans park up the road at a local race track.  This comes at a cost.  $10.  Not horrendous but the price of the race just jumped up a bit.  If you can, car pool.
2. Since the Boston Marathon bombing, every race has a security checkpoint.  I get it.  Try to be safer.  I'm down with that.  What I am not down with is Spartan prohibiting racers/spectators, aka people who spent their hard earned money to be at this race,  bringing in their own food to the park.  No grills, no glass bottles, no booze - all that makes sense.  There is a risk to personal safety; but not allowing people to bring in food for their kids, or pre and post-race food, which every racer always has, is ridiculous.  Not everyone wants to eat what you're cooking.  I know of one instance when a gluten-free family was not allowed to take their gluten-free food into the park.  The no-food rule completely ignores food allergies, food sensitivities, and the possibility that some people don't eat fast food.  Putting aside the dangerous stuff, let everyone bring snacks if they need them.  If for no other reason, money is tight and buying food for a family at an event gets expensive, so cut it out with the food gestapo.
3. Great, they have a bag drop station, aka a safe place to store you stuff while you race.  Not so great, they charged us $5.  Really?  This reeks of nickel and diming your competitors.  You know we'll all have a bag with a change of clothes because every one of us will be joyously muddy.  This is a money grab, short and sweet, and we will all pay it because we have to bring something for after the race.  You want to charge the spectators?  Fine.  If they can't carry their crap, make them pay.  Racers already paid enough for the pleasure of experiencing Spartan.  Give them a tag for one free bag drop.  They've earned it by being faithful followers.
4. Nothing ruins your grace in motion as lines at an obstacle.  Understandably this happens.  There are lots of Spartan racers on the course throughout the day, some taking their time as they take in the scenery.  These mighty contenders should not be ridiculed as they take on these challenges.  However, some basic race etiquette is in order, for everyone (the following may seem a bit elitest to non-racers but, good god, she was only 4 minutes behind me... 4 minutes!  What happens next year?):  
1. If you walk, walk to the right, so that swifter racers may pass you
2. If you encounter problems on an obstacle allow others to move forward before trying again.  You might not be going for time but other people are.
3. Hey faster peeps, don't get angry at the people in front of you if you don't have the common courtesy letting them know you're there.  "On your left", "on your right", "coming through."  Anything to let them know to give you some space.
5. Burpees.  Not that the burpees aren't a welcome addition to the race but... burpees.  Anyone who raves about burpees should not be trusted, ever.

Here are the teammates missing from the first pic, which is ok.
I got them all to myself!

Raves: 

1. Packet pick-up was easy breezy mac n'cheesy and, as always, the volunteers were helpful and happy.  Nothing worse than being greeted by a curmudgeon who lacks the appreciation of speedos.
2. Pre-race poops are very important because, ya know, it happens.  Having to wait in line when you just realize "oh good god I have to do now" is horrible.  Nothing worse than sudden, surprising, ninja poops that sneak up on you, ready to explode from your spandex like a tidal wave of... well, .  Thankfully there are more than enough port-a-potties at the race site.  No waiting needed.  No bouncing in place wondering if you're gonna make it.  You will make it, in the plethora of toilets available to you and everyone who sat there before you.
3. The course was great.  Challenging hills which made my legs ache.  Challenging downhills which made me fall.  Challenging single track which made my legs ache and made me fall!  Yes, all of this is a good time.  The obstacles were troublesome, and, at times, demanding; but always fun.  They were spaced out enough to allow runners the opportunity to pick up their pace and walkers enough time to get ready for the next obstacle.  The mix of climbing, jumping, pulling, and crawling obstacles gave everyone a chance to see where their limits were.  If you were bored, you didn't try hard enough, or should be running longer races.
4. Free pictures and free videos!  Not just free but quality free!  Professional grade photos, and they're free!  All that bitching about $10 for parking earlier?  Ignore it.  Free pics and vids more than make up for parking fees.  See clips of your favorite hero here (ok, well, maybe not your favorite but this is my blog) - http://spartanrace.onthefleye.com/videos/popetsi@yahoo.com/location/6/date/2013-08-11
5. Burpees.  You might not want to admit it, but you like the idea of being punished.  Why else would you run these races?  Burpees also bring with them the enjoyment of watching your friends suffer.
6. Spartans.  All of you.  Make.  It.  Great.  Everyone who competes, who runs, who does their best, is recognized and celebrated.  Hugs and high fives galore!  It is rare that I run into anyone at a Spartan event that, after running, is in a bad mood (except for the little man I met at the finish line that when I went to congratulate him gave me a look of suppressed horror.  The speedo must have brought up some closeted feelings with which he was unready to face).

Did I mention these awesome pics were free?  Go Spartan go!

Overall:

Spartan races are, at least currently, hands down the best obstacle races around.  There are many out there and most are still fun, but Spartan has a special jena se quois that puts them above the rest.  I won't give all the credit to Spartan HQ for these fun-filled events.  The participants play a huge role and I thank all of you every time I run one of these, especially the other speedo wearing runner whom I met and with whom I shared a special moment, which went something like this:

"Ahhhhhh, nice!" I said, pointing and laughing.
"Yeahhhh, you too!" he replied with similar laughter.

He gets me.

Almost all of Team Age Aggressively after the race... the others were aggressively not around.