Becoming a swimmer, or a non-drowner, has brought with it a new slew of gear to ogle and desire. I did it when I first started cycling. Admittedly I still do it with bicycles, longing to hold that new carbon frame like a new lover... running a finger along its downtube... gently caressing its chainstays... fiddling its electronic shifters... admiring its tubeless...
… ahem... excuse me...
I do it with running gear because cycling spandex is very different from running spandex. Don't get me started on the outfits for every season.
Now I get to open a swimming catalog and openly gawk at the pictures of technical wetsuits, swim skins, caps, and goggles, which seem to make all the models look very impressive! I want to be impressive, too.
Since all new hobbies have a price attached, I have not obtained the necessary equipment to be impressively high-tech; but, thanks to generous friends, I am able to sport gear which should provoke some feelings of awe or, maybe, general ennui. Either way, I make stuff look good.
As a newbie to the sport I do not yet have the necessary expertise to properly discuss swim gear, but this will not prevent me from talking about it with an air of jejune glibness. Here are your basic needs:
WETSUIT: Swimming without a wetsuit sucks. Wetsuits, unlike me, are naturally buoyant. They help you stay in better form which keeps you more streamlined during your swim. This means less work staying afloat, more energy going into your stroke. More importantly, being more buoyant means less drowning. Less drowning is a bonus! I don't know how anyone does distance swimming without one. They are either very strong swimmers, or they're made of Styrofoam.
GOGGLES: Being able to see where you're going has amazing advantages while swimming. So you wear goggles. Firstly, you won't get water in your eyes when you lift your face from the water. You get to see where you're going. This is huge. Secondly, you won't get water in your eyes every time you put your face in the water. You can still see where you're going. This is also huge. What I am trying to say is this: Seeing is huge if you are trying to look where you're going. The chances of swimming off course is incredibly easy without things like sight, so goggles are a must. There is one downside to goggles. You can see things under the water, like lake scum, fallen trees, and aquatic plant life that resembles dead bodies when you're not expecting it to JUMP RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! God, lakes are spooky.
CAP: They keep your head warm. They make you more hydrodynamic. They come in an array of fashionable colors that draw attention to the swimmer which, most importantly, can keep you from being run over by that teenager who you know has been stealing bourbon from his daddy's liquor cabinet every morning for the past three weeks before jumping on his ski-doo and running roughshod through the open waters like he owns the damn lake. Point to remember: white, black, or blue are not good because these colors blend in with the water. Anything fluorescent, neon, or possibly glowing would be great.
If you have these three items you are ready to pretend that you're a swimmer. As I become more involved with this sport I will surely have additional poignant, yet equally superficial, advice to give. I will, that is, if I haven't failed at being a non-drowner.
No comments:
Post a Comment